Bakit ganon?

Bakit ganon? Tanong ko sa sarili ko, of all this years. I’m happy to be with the man I love but there is still part of me that longing for something that will never happen.I know that now because I’ve waited for so many years.But why? A lot time I am still wishing that I could him say that he love or were in love with me.I would not want him in life anymore, but in my heart and mind he is always there. A lot of times I’m thinking about him and still wishing to hear those words from him.Why I don’t understand is why  I’m still  hanging up with this feelings, may iba na akong mahal.I know will never hear those words from him ever dahil ako lang ang nagmamahal. I want this feeling to go away because it hurts , it hurts that some nights I even cried and I want this to end.

Why I am doing to myself, loving someone that who will never you back.Am I crazy ? Maybe I am.Why I’m still hurting even I’m happy with my life now sa piling ng aking pinakamamahal that I know will love forever and has given me all the love he can give me and I’m very happy for that.

Masakit palang malaman na ang taong minahal mo hindi ka minahal kahit kailan. Oo tanggap hindi ko kami nagkatuluyan ang mahirap tanggapin ay malaman na hindi pala nya ako minahal dahil may mahal syang iba. Ang sakit lang maramdaman ng hanggang ngayon nararamdaman ko parin ang sakit. Actually ngayon ko lang naramdaman  ang sakit kasi all this time I thought he love me and  just knowing is fine with me kahit hindi naging kami.But the sad part he doesn’t even know I that Love him and he doesn’t know that I hurting. He would not see me crying.

I wished this feeling to away and hope it come soon.I want him out of my mind.

Good bye pain. Good bye to love I never have

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Why I Love You

 

Poem written by James J. Metcalfe

(I want to dedicate this poem to my loving husband Jun)

 

I love you for the word you say

And of thing you do and for the happiness I have

Each time I think of you

 

I love you for the pleasure of your friendship from the start

And for the way you offered me

A corner of your heart

 

You thought me how to smile at fate

And how to conquer Continue reading “Why I Love You”

Random Thought

My husband  and I been married for almost 23 years now.We thought we know everything about each other already, but I guess there will always be a new thing we learn about who we really are.

Last Christmas my daughter Angie received a door price from our Christmas Party.It is a model ship, to my husband surprised it was I who were delighted to see it, then he said “I didn’t know you like ship and we’ve been married for more than twenty years”. Then he continue ” I wonder what else I didn’t know about you.”.

I can’t believe he didn’t know that.He didn’t realize I always want to buy a sail boat and I enjoy being in the water.

Oh well,I guess no matter how long been together there is always a new thing we can learn from each other and even discovering our own selves as well.

First Love Never Die

Dear First Love,

We meet again after twenty five years since we parted our ways from high school. It’s been so many years ago already,but I still remember, we were friends, those were the  days I will not forget,sharing jokes and laughter are the things I cherries most.We were very closed friends that our classmates thought we were in relationship other than friends but we just let them believe that we were. I cherries those time when we were sharing our thoughts and problems.But somehow other being friends I know I was falling in love with you.You were always in my mind, it make me smile just thinking about you. Everyday I was looking forward  going to class knowing that I will see you there.But we never talk about our relationship to be more than friends. My guess is we’re not ready to be in relationship at that time, so being just friends is good enough for me knowing that you were there, always ready to make me smile.But then our fourth year was a bit different were not talking as much, we were as close as we were for the last two years, I felt a bit of sadness but other friend was always there for me and unlike we were, we become friends but from the beginning we agree that we were just going to be friends,we both have a different reason why. It hurts me to see that I’m loosing my friend that I love but can I do, we weren’t clear to what to expect in our relationship.And for that reason I was not able to protect myself from getting hurt.On the last day of high school you introduce us your girlfriend, I know her of course, she was in my class in first years but move to a different school the next.To my surprise I did not feel any pain then – so I thought. Knowing that she had crush on you I thought maybe you were just being nice and since our friendship never got these far I thought it was okay.

So, we parted our ways,I move on with my life and never come to come back.I left my high school life full disappointment and hurts,I just want it be over.(But in my heart I know someday I’ll be back to my ALMA MATTER).Through all those you were always in heart and my thought I still love you no matter what.Even thought we ended up not being together I still cherries those time that we together.It was timeless.Knowing in my heart that you also love me like I do.They says first love never dies, I think it’s true. Because even up to now I’m feeling that love for you.Don’t get me wrong I love my husband – he is my life.But somehow there is that part in my hearts that will always love you.

Because of you, my high school memories that I used to hate was not so bad at all.Believing in my heart that you felt the way I do( so I thought) about me is good enough for even thought we parted ways

.Recently I found out that,that girlfriend of yours, were your girlfriend since second year.You could of told me that then since we were friends but you didn’t. You  were in relationship with her while showing affection on me that make me believe that you also have feelings for me.Why did you do that me? .Why is it that you make our classmate believe that too.No they don’t just believe they also can see that you care for me.Why did you that.I accept that didn’t end together but making me believe that you care is what hurts me even to these days.

But why it is hurting me now, not back then.Was it because all this years I believe in-spite of that what had happen  you also love me?I’m happier now that I found my true and forever love and I don’t think I could be any happier other wise, but  I will never forget you because no matter you will always have place in my heart.

I hoping after writing this letter my pain will go away and never to come back.You are not worthy of my love. There is no reason for to me to cry  for you, you’re not worth anything.So good unang  pag-ibig.

Sincerely,

The one that will love you forever

 

Now What ?

What am doing here? Oh yeah, to write, but what to write? I have of lot of ideas but it’s all scattered all over inside my brain.One thing I know for sure I like to write, share my thoughts and ideas. But what make me become motivated to write.

It started when my requirements to qualify to take CMTO ( College of Massage Therapist of Ontario) exams requires language fluency standard of CBL (Canadian Language Benchmark  level 8 in speaking,listening, reading and level 7 in writing. I got level 7 in all of them which means I need  to  take ESL (English as a Second Language) for adult to qualify to exams.I felt stupid at first, I’ve been Canada for 26 years and most of subjects were taught in English when I was in high school and college, why do  I have to take it,but then I realized one of my dream was to be a writer.This ESL class made realized that I can also pursue writing even if it’s just for a hobby ( I still want pursue my RMT career ). So…., here I am, Still looking for a an inspiration what to write, should just express what I feel or write about anything about something ?Or maybe just write about my life experience.But what would I got from it or would my reader learn from it or got something good from it. Maybe no one would be even think of reading it.I would like to think that if someone ever read my blog they would learn something or my story become an inspiration them.

( This is suppose to be first post but I didn’t think of posting it, so here it is.I am very excited to see what this blogging  would mean to me and where it would take me)